Last week I wrote that dating is ruining marriages. After pondering on that concept, I have deemed it necessary to expand upon that concept a bit more. Dating is not only ruining marriages but it is also ruining relationships. I was so excited about my new concept that I skipped a step. I need to back that thang up. The process goes as such: 1.) Dating 2.) Relationships 3.) Marriage. Last week I said that people are taking bad habits developed in dating into marriages. This week we are focusing on how people are having bad experiences from dating and allowing those dating experiences to shape their outlook relationships.
Webster’s – Dating – the activity of going out regularly with somebody as a social or romantic partner.
RelationshipBeast - Dating – the activity of being fake and introducing your fake person to another fake person.
RelationshipBeast - Love At First Sight – Believing that all of the fake people are actually being real.
MEN - You meet a woman and on the first date you find out that she is ok with providing you with free sex. That experience sets an expectation within you that most if not all women that you meet will also provide you with sex for the same fee of free. Women who don’t comply, you act as if they have a problem.
WOMEN – You meet the guy that expects your sex for free. This upsets you. You are offended! Why are you mad? You start believing that all guys want is sex. (True but that’s not the point.) Your belief caused the development of a stank attitude deep within you toward men. All men are dogs.
MEN – You meet Ms. Bad Attitude. You think that she is the problem when in reality you caused this problem. You are not interested in taking any responsibility for your effect. You are 30 years old and you are supposed to be developing good relationship skills but instead you are running around having as much free sex as possible.
WOMEN – The bad attitude subsides. He doesn’t want a relationship. You want a relationship. You decide that you can make him want a relationship also. You get what you want, a bad relationship.
MEN – You cheat on her. You are not man enough to leave. You are stupid. You get caught.
WOMEN – You catch him cheating. You let him flip it on you. It’s your fault he cheated with your friend. Somehow you end up apologizing and now you feel that you two are ready to get married.
MEN – Luckily, the man that you are in a relationship with is only dating you so he still got enough game to look you dead in your eye and say “Why do you want to get married anyway? All the married folks are unhappy.”
I had a woman tell me recently that she was in a great relationship and they did not want to ruin what they had by getting married. I didn’t even know this woman but I immediately called her bluff and said, “I don’t believe you. You want to get married but you let him talk that nonsense into your head.” Listen folks, I am going to say this over and over and over again until everyone understands and accepts. Marriage is for everyone. You are to be married, celibate or fireproof. Are marriages bad? HELL YEAH! I stay busy counseling crazy folks. But someone else’s marriage has no impact on the confidence that I have in the survival of my marriage. My wife and I have marriage swag. We will be married longer than all of our friends marriages put together times five. We will be celebrating five years of marriage on October 15, 2010. Please do me this favor. Please find my wife on Facebook, “LaMechia LaChelle,” and post her a happy anniversary wish to her wall or send her a message and I will register you for a free copy of “Men Don’t Heal, We Ho”. I am giving away 5 books for 5 years! (Honey, why is your last name not on your Facebook?) Where was I . . ?
To the single people who are looking at their friends with marriage problems. You don’t let any of your friends other failures negatively impact your viewpoint, why are you letting their marriage failure impact your confidence in having a successful, beautiful, wonderful marriage? If your friend lost his house, is that going to stop you from buying your own house? If your fried has a car accident, are you going to stop driving? Your sister’s kids are bad, I mean real bad, they don’t listen at all, does that automatically mean that your kids are going to be bad also? Being in a relationship that is not heading toward marriage is like working at the strip club at night without going to school during the day. Being in a relationship that is not heading toward marriage is like spending without investing. Being in a relationship that is not heading toward marriage is like just being in college. No graduation plans. Just being. In college. We all know somebody who was just hanging out in college.
Single people looking at your friends with marriage problems should be saying to yourselves, “I am not going to have those problems.” You will be better prepared to solve those problems because you have read the book, “Men Don’t Heal, We Ho.” You will be better prepared to solve those problems because when you were dating you did not develop bad habits that you are going to take into your marriage. You will be better prepared to solve those problems because you limited your bad experiences while dating. The Mis-Education of Marriage is about the incorrect notion that your marriage is doomed from the start. You have to believe that you will be a good marriage partner. You have to believe that you will choose a good marriage partner. The Mis-Education of Relationships is about the incorrect notion that your relationship doesn’t have to end up in marriage. Dating doesn’t have to end up in marriage. Do not enter into a commitment with someone that does not have marriage qualification. You can date them and still be looking out for your relationship person on the side. The Mis-Education of Dating is about the fact that YOU CHOSE THAT FOOL THAT YOU ARE DATING! The Mis-Education of Dating is about choices that you make. The Mis-Education of Dating is about you thinking that there aren’t any bad guys out there. There are. The Mis-Education of Dating is about you thinking that guys are out to get you. Not you, your friendly vagina, don’t take it personal (joke). TRUTH IS you have to be a better decision maker. There are diamonds out there but they are in the rough. Get a shovel dig through the trash. Yes, you have to dig through the trash. There are good men out there. There are good men out there that want to get married. When you meet one you are too angry for him to holla at you because you are too mad and hurt from what YOU LET the last guy do to you. I tell women every day, “What you let a man do to you while you are *ONLY* dating is your fault.”
You date to choose. It is a selection based on an interview. Your mind should not be made up about having a relationship until you have completed the interview process. If you jump the gun you are not going to get the best candidate. If you don’t take your time dating, you will end up having to fire your candidate and re-open the position. Once this process is cycled a couple of times, you have to ask yourself. Are all the candidates bad or is the hiring process jacked up?
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