“On Behalf Of The Men Who Have Cheated”

Steven James Dixon July 18, 2011 Comments

I hate when women ask questions like “Why can’t a man just keep IT in his pants?” Or when women make blanket, blind statements like “What a wife does or does not do in the bedroom has nothing to do with the husband cheating. Husbands make a vow before God, family and friends to not cheat on his wife.” My response is that the woman standing beside the man while he was making his vows to be a husband also made some vows to be a wife. A big part of being a wife is pleasing your husband sexually. I recently met at an undisclosed location with a panel of ten husbands who were currently cheating on their wives. (I am the RelationshipBeast, Dr. Phil won’t go to the gutter to get that really, real intel like me! Oprah would not be allowed in the room with a panel of ten men who are currently cheaters! I said current cheaters! Not ten-year-ago-I-was-cheating-because-I-was-doing-cocaine-cheaters! REAL CHEATERS! RIGHT HERE! RIGHT  NOW! (Dear Oprah, no disrespect. Get at me. Dr. Phil, I hope you been saving. I am coming for your spot.)

Nine out of the ten husbands that are currently cheating said that if they were getting the same sex after the wedding date that they were getting before the wedding date that they would not be cheating. Let me say that again but differently: Nine out of the ten husbands said that their wives are not handling their bit-ness! A husband is a man first, and a man is going to have sex. Wives, if you don’t care to have a healthy sex life with your husband, you don’t have to but when you find out that his sex life is healthy without you . . . don’t be mad.

Yesterday I was in a counseling session with a wife that was an emotional mess after finding out that her husband was cheating. (He was not a member of the panel.) She said this in her cry voice (I am not making fun of her! Just trying to write an entertaining article for y’all. Now read this in your cry voice.) “Mr. RelationshipBeast he told me that she does things to him that no woman has ever done to him. He said that no woman has ever made him feel the way that she makes him feel.” I said something that made her abruptly stop crying. I said, “How you let some other trick turn yo husband out?” (I am the RelationshipBeast! Don’t be coming at me thinking that I am not going to keep it real with you! I am here to save the Institution of Marriage and change the way that people date and relate. It’s not personal, it’s just business.)

I don’t believe that once a cheater always a cheater. I don’t believe in divorce either so therefore, I must believe in rehabilitation, counseling and re-commitment. The first step in saving a marriage that is in the midst of a cheating scandal is to figure out why the dude was cheating. She said that her husband was willing to talk to me so I called him.

RelationshipBeast: Why did you cheat?

Husband: I haven’t been getting any at home. No sex, no intimacy, no affection.

RelationshipBeast: Why not?

Husband: Well, we have been arguing a lot lately. We are just not getting along. It’s always something.

RelationshipBeast: I tell men everyday “If your woman is always arguing with you, it is because she thinks that you are a woman.” The man is the Director of Communication in the household. Arguments mean that the communication is bad, which means that the Director of Communication is under qualified and will certainly have to be replaced at some point. The MAN must take responsibility for communication. If communication is not going well, if conversation is not going well, if she is not listening to you, then you need to shut up and listen to her. Once she feels that you are hearing her she will stop talking. (Ok, a certain percentage of that previous statement is not true but you get the point.)

Husband: I know, I know. You right! You right!

RelationshipBeast: And you are wrong. You know why you are wrong? You are wrong because you have not taken an active leadership role in resolving your relationship problems before they become a detriment to your marriage. TRANSLATION: I can’t get none when my wife is mad either! So you best believe that in my household you won’t find us angry and not speaking to each other for a week. If my wife is mad at me all week, I ain’t getting none that week. Do the math. I am trying to solve problems ASAP at the crib. Put your wife back on the phone.

Dear Wives of the world,

Remember when you were a girlfriend? Remember that you wanted a husband? Ain’t nothing-changed sista! Girlfriends still want husbands. You have girlfriends right now who would love to have your husband, “AS IS.” In the book “Men Don’t Heal, We Ho” the author says this on page 158: “If you can’t have sex with your husband twice a week you really don’t deserve a faithful husband. You should be banned from getting married. Wives should have to sign something stating that they understand sex twice a week is mandatory. We are talking about the bare minimum here, folks. Twice a week is baseline. That’s easy. Even the bad husbands should get sex twice a week.”

I don’t care how mad you are at your husband, a husband is only going to go so long without having sex. You better know how long he will go! Let me explain “Why Men Cheat.” I am not excusing it, I am just explaining it. It’s very simple. I don’t need to write a whole book about it either, I just need a couple lines:

Sunday night – Husband tries to get him some from the wife and he gets rejected.

Monday – Husband fantasizes about wife all day.

Monday night – Husband still wants some but since the wife rejected him just yesterday he will wait until tomorrow to try again.

Tuesday – Husband fantasizes about wife again . . . all day. Almost touched himself while sitting at his desk.

Tuesday night – Wife rejects husband again.

Wednesday – Husband stops himself from fantasizing about wife. He becomes angry and frustrated.

Wednesday night – He stops looking at his wife in a sexual way.

Thursday – MAN goes to lunch with friends. Man notices attractive woman in his peripheral. Single woman notices man noticing her. (Did you notice that I said MAN now as in not husband or taking a break from being married? Not that I believe in that. Just saying if he had a wife and he was married, he would be having sex with her! Marriage and sex go hand and hand. Too many women are having sex without marriage and too many men are having marriage without sex.)

Thursday night – Man fantasizes about single woman.

Friday – Man fantasizes about single woman.

Friday night – Man fantasizes about single woman.

Saturday – Wife curses husband out about him making the wrong flavor of Kool-Aid.

Saturday night – At the watch party for the game the fantasy woman walks up on the man that has been fantasizing about her for the past 48 hours. She makes herself available to him. Now the man has the ability to act on his fantasy. Wife’s husband has a new girlfriend.

Moral to the story: Husbands want to have sex with their wives. When they are not having sex with their wives, fantasizing about their wives drives them crazy. We are going to fantasize. It is best that the fantasy is about our wives. If we are mentally stopping ourselves from fantasizing about our wives then we will be open to fantasizing about another woman. Once we start fantasizing about another woman it is only a matter time before we can act on our fantasy. Wives, y’all can argue from Sunday to Friday but by Saturday afternoon you best be getting it popping!

Dear Husbands of the world,

You want the good news or the bad news first? . . . Huh? . . . Ok, bad news first:

Bad News: It is more difficult to get sex from your wife than it was to get sex from her as a girlfriend. We just have to accept that. We didn’t have to earn it as a boyfriend, single women give sex away for free. Your wife is tired man. When y’all were dating, you took her to dinner. Now that you are married you want her to cook. When you were dating, kids were not in the picture. Now that you are married, she is the primary caretaker of the kids.

Good News: You can increase the quality and quantity of your sex life! Very simple. You have to make her feel special and loved. In the morning you have to compliment her and send her off on her day with a smile on her face. In the afternoon, you have to call her and check on her and let her know that you are looking forward to seeing her later. In the evening, greet her with that love tap, a big hug, and a kiss. Ask her how her day was. Get dinner started or put a load in the washer or something. Do something around the house. Wash a kid or something. If your wife don’t get in the bed until after nine or ten o’clock every night then she just might be too tired to have sex with you.

Men, here is a little test to know if you will be smacking it, flipping it and rubbing it down tonight. If you have passed this test then you have arrived at first base. If you are having trouble getting from first base to home plate then you need to get a copy of “Men Don’t Heal, We Ho”. When you get into the bed, ask yourself, “Did you make her smile today?”

*DISCLAIMER: This article is not to imply that men only cheat for sex. This article is not to imply that if you freak your man down six times a day, seven days a week that he won’t cheat on you.

Twitter.com/StevenJDixon

Facebook.com/RelationshipBeast

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Comments

  1. Sheree says:

    I cant wait to see you on Dr Phil! I love you,your wife is a very lucky woman!

  2. LuvMeFirstAndLast says:

    We as women, know this already; just don’t want take it to heart. The truth always hurt.

  3. [...] Find Out What The Husband Said Next! [...]

  4. [...] Find Out What The Husband Said Next! [...]

  5. [...] Find Out What The Husband Said Next! [...]

    1. Easter says:

      Hey, that’s poewrufl. Thanks for the news.

  6. Reggie says:

    Man! Now that was real-talk!!!!

  7. [...] Find Out What The Husband Said Next! [...]

  8. JayDee says:

    Question, If are just as sexually available into the relationship as you were when dating, but he tells you he is too tired to have sex (so your getting it maybe 1x a month, if lucky), much less take you out, and you find out he is cheating, besides just a habitual cheater, that just a cut bait and run situation, right?

    1. sjDixon says:

      You choose a counselor. If you can’t get him to go to counseling it is a wrap. I counsel couples for $40 an hour.

      1. ks says:

        With what license?

  9. HISWIFE says:

    Man! This was such a great article, such truthfulness, humor, and inspiration all in one. As a wife I will take this and see how it applies to my marriage. Thanx!

  10. Tettris says:

    Man you ain’t never lied!

  11. Article Posted to : my927charlotte - 92.7 says:

    [...] Find Out What The Husband Said Next! [...]

  12. Tikki says:

    Good article. It’s true (for the most part). But don’t blame it all on the woman I’m glad you said men need to help do something, wash a dish or something!

  13. PeachLatina says:

    This goes for women too fellas! It is WAY EASIER for a woman to get it all you gotta do is look at a man! So if men are not handling the business because the are overworking, too tief, out of shape..,watch it. So many article out there about women needing to handle their business when men need to as well. I think a lot of men cheat not out of lack of sex but the desire for escapism from stress and responsibilities! Its way deeper than the 2 times a week minimum. IJS. I would really be interested in seeing an article about why WOMEN cheat! Trust me women do it more its just not as publicized and they are sneekier!! I have heard so many stories its crazy!!

    1. BigTsbutterfly says:

      “I think a lot of men cheat not out of lack of sex but the desire for escapism from stress and responsibilities! Its way deeper than the 2 times a week minimum.”

      ITA!

    2. dellbeana says:

      “I think a lot of men cheat not out of lack of sex but the desire for escapism from stress and responsibilities!”

      BINGO!! Marriage is work and sacrifice and routine and compromise. New booty is, excitement, attention, no responsibility no accountability.

      Its much easier for Miss New Booty to be wonderful and happy and pleasant, when she isn’t splitting the mortgage or tired from cleaning up baby vomit half the night. Sure she can be Miss Perfect in two hour stretches.

      I think cheating isn’t something you do because THEY (your partner) isn’t doing x,y,z because cheating is never about the other spouse it is 100% about you and your feelings of being unappreciated, or unloved.

      1. misslovely says:

        Bingo @ dellbeana. thank u much

  14. Bonita Walker says:

    Steven you were great on the Doug Banks Show. I listen on 92.7 Charlotte NC. Hope to hear you again on the show. He gave you a long segment than Micheal Baisden. We as black people needs to fix the relationships we have in our lives. I believe the information you are giving not only applies to men and women(single or marry), but also to other relationships we have created (children, girlfriends, homeboys, work, chruch, etc). Keep up the good work.

  15. DMan says:

    To the Relationshipbeast:

    Hmmmm. Read your article. Have come to most of those conclusions myself. Here’s one for you. What if she doesn’t have to worry about the kids because you the man are the one doing it because she either is bad at it or just doesn’t want to do it or maybe a combination of both? Also, she doesn’t cook. You the man do that. Adding to that, all she has to do is work and when she isn’t working her favorite thing to do is sit up in bed all day. She doesn’t even have to wash the clothes as you the man do that. Before you assign any blame to me know that I’ve talked and tried everything to fix the shituation. Only reason not gone is because I love my kids and don’t want to lose them as in the past when I got ready to leave she held my children over my head. Learned a few things and whats stopping me now is economics. Solve that I’m gone as I really am not the cheating kind and would rather not do it. I’m off the point. The point is given the situation what is your synopsis?

    There is more more I am not trying to write a book, at least not yet, although I think I know enough to now do so.

    1. luvmylocs says:

      sounds like you maybe married a woman that wasn’t trying to be a true partner to you. did you marry her because she was pretty or something? did you not see signs of her laziness before? did she want kids or was that more your thing? i’m not judging. really asking to learn because i’m single and i hear situations like yours where mediocre women have husbands but single girls that want to be married and have a family and put in the work remain single.

      1. DMan says:

        Lets just say I got a serious lesson in watching to figure out if someone is acting or really being themselves and there was a lot I didn’t know until I was under one roof.

        1. luvmylocs says:

          that’s always what scares me because if a person is trying to deceive you they’ll keep an act going indefinitely! i ask questions and try to get to where a persons head is but again, if a person is feeding you lies what can you do. maybe she does have a real medical problem that is preventing her from participating in the marriage and family life. i dated a guy who was often depressed and he barely wanted to shower let alone have fun in the relationship so depression is a real thing as is laziness and if a person is a lazy adult they aren’t going to change. anyway, since you’re in it now i hope you and your wife and kid(s) can get to a happy place.

          1. Tessica says:

            You coudln’t pay me to ignore these posts!

    2. ks says:

      You might want to suggest that she see a doctor. She’s a little motivated because she goes to work, but her staying in bed when she’s home means she lacks either the physical or mental energy for whatever is going on in the home, which seems to imply either physical tiredness or depression.

      1. Shearfate says:

        Not taking sides…she may have post partum depression, major depression, or even mood disorder. It is hard for one to seek treatment when you don’t know that you have a problem. Sometimes you have to try a different approach. I know my post is super late and maybe by the grace of GOD it reaches and/or touches its assigned destination. Maybe a new mindset is in order. If it nothing does out of it…so be it! At least you tried. Change your thoughts and your actions will change as a result. Dont speak in a confrontational tone, speak coming from a place of love. We have to “not” say “I’VE DONE THAT BEFORE” ” I’VE ALREADY TRIED THAT”. And you may have, but every coach has a gameplay! The coach of your favorite team doesn’t tell his team to just play! He has a gameplan. He researches. He studied. He plans. He has a back up plan just in case plan a doesn’t work. Why? Because there was something about those players! They were chosen for a reason! Same goes for your team ” COACH”. Don’t give up on your team, your VIP may still be in there somewhere and may need your help. God hasn’t allowed you to give up on her thus far! See the Devil wants you to be typical and leave, cheat and then come home with your pores reepin’ of you messing around with other chicks. The wife/children’s mother feeling disrespected and then becoming more withdrawn which negatively affects the children. And so the generational curse continues. If we could only get it right!!!! AND WE CAN! IJS (like everybody else) Lololol!

  16. Sylvia says:

    Awesome!!! LMAO @ wash a kid or something!!! LOL

  17. BigTsbutterfly says:

    I was just thinking the other day that SJD ( the Relationship Beast) is the next Dr. Phil! Love it!

    As a woman with 21 years of marriage under her belt I agree with much of this article… I do have some definite disagreements tho. I almost got lost on the second sentence because I don’t think it is a blind or blanket statement at all. “What a wife does or does not do in the bedroom has nothing to do with the husband cheating. Husbands make a vow before God, family and friends to not cheat on his wife. ” That is simply TRUTH. The vows for the man [and woman] say, ” I promise myself to you and YOU ONLY, for better or for WORSE.”

    If *all* of the perspectives presented here are true then I say we need to start bringing this out up front, BEFORE we say I do. The marriage VOWS need to be amended and changed to say, “I promise to love and be faithful to you ONLY IF YOU KEEP ME SEXUALLY SATISFIED.”

    What about the spouse who CAN’T perform sexually because of sickeness or injury? What about the marriage where one spouse is a sex addict? Is fidelity in the marriage OVER because sex is lacking or because one spouse’s love tank is a bottomless pit? Sex is a wonderful, exciting and important part of marriage, but it’s not the MOST important. Men (people) cheat because they are selfish and immature. Rather than work on the relationship they COMMITTED to, they take the easy route and go for the “free” and “easy,” no strings sex. Remember, Men Don’t Heal, they Ho. :) Cheating is a CHARACTER issue. That’s the bottom line.

    1. @BigTsbutterfly and others,

      There are a variety of situations. The thing that stands out for me in what you said it “no strings sex”. Although the person isn’t always marrying that other person, or people, they are having relationships outside of the marriage. I mention that because it’s not just that people are out finding new people all of the time. There are people that find what they want in ONE other person and it becomes a relationship. They get upset if the other person doesn’t do what they want them to do, in private and public. That means that the cheating mate (men and women) wants/desires a relationship that works but they aren’t getting what they want within their married. If men were only cheating with other men then I could see the argument that men are just dogs. However, most men, even with the “downlow” situations supposedly running rampant, cheat with women. Most of those women know that the man has someone at home. And it’s not that the other woman doesn’t care or that she accepts it. It’s almost like a competition thing between women. That’s another story though.

      I agree. The couple took vows. I agree. People get sick or injured as well. It doesn’t kill the desire. You just have to have a person strong enough to suppress it. I’m assuming that you’re not injured or sick so I’ll through this out there. Think about meeting a couple that is in their 30′s or 40′s. They’ve been married for 10 years but announce that they haven’t had sex in 3 years. Even if one of them is sick, what goes through your mind? Is it, “I don’t see how she does it.” Or is it, “Damn, that’s love.”

      Tieuel Legacy! Motion

    2. The Fox! says:

      Thank you for presenting this fact. I agree with the Relationship Beast. But, it is true that people who decide to get married are supposed to be getting married for reasons other than how much sex or how great the sex is. Men change all of the time from what they did while dating women. Then, when they’re married they stop. But, it is expected while that woman increases in the demands of being a wife and mother. The man usually continues basically living as he did while dating.

      The only difference is, he doesn’t do the things he did in the beginning when he was trying to win the woman he’s now married to. So, it truly is about character, integrity, and their relationship with God. Because, you’re supposed to keep God in that marriage. You’re supposed to communicate and work on issues within your marriage. Not, use lusting and sexual desires as an excuse. Or, because another woman who has absolutely no demands for anything other than romance and sex, happens to have the energy, time, and peace of mind to desire to do all of those things. IJS Of course, it’s easier to go run to that other woman.

  18. Tiffany Wells says:

    Great article. It exceeded my expectations in content, delivery and accuracy! Question: It seems that women get a bad rap re: the issue of sex and marriage. Women appear to be the bad guy! Your article says it correctly, “Men, are you doing what it takes to get your wife in a place to where she wants to have sex”… or, as the article simpy said – did you make her smile and tingle:) ?

    Answer: No. Instead, men focus on the “lack of sex” instead of “doing the work”…. i guess its easier to cheat than pay your wife a compliment, help with the kids, pick up your freakin’ socks?

    Real smart guys.

    Check out this website…. http://www.letterstohim.com to read REAL letters from REAL women submitted anonymously.

  19. needie says:

    so i have read the whole article, but what do you say the reason is when a wife has stroked his ego, supported him, works, cooks, cleans, serves him, takes care of the kids, wants and gives him sex 3 times or more a day..pluse is a bigger freak than he is and has turned him out. oh and still wants sex even if she is mad at him… because she, just as a man, wants and needs sex too. Therefor, she has learned how to separate the physical need from the emotional need of sex.. and is able to still satisfy herself and her husband, but he still cheats?

    1. GettingBetter! says:

      This is exactly what I wanted to know!

  20. Lyn says:

    Very good article and very true. In my young day of marriage, I found myself in this almost same situation. The only thing is I did not stop giving him what he needed or wanted until I learned first hand that he was still getting it elsewhere. I was angry, pissed off and on the verge of execution of the mind. It turns out that the problem was not me, it was him and his selfishness in wanting the idea of marriage and not the respect or responsibility.

    Being a watcher of people and a listener to conversatoin. Most, NOT all but most men and women have not accepted the responsiblitiy of cheating, its more of the thrill of the chase and once the car is rolling 85 mph, it is stopping on a dime. Therapy and admittance of the issue is first key. Now as a woman, I blame most, not all woman for men stepping out. This is why. I say this from experience so don’t pass gas on it. Some of us allow men to treat us any kind of way, we accept their feble attempt at dating, we scarafice our self worth and pride by just given it up fast. Now when you catipult the issue a few years with the same man, get married and think we are going to live this wonderful. We are blindsided by the reality that nothing has really changed at all. Just another player in the game. Woman and I say woman because we hold the lock to the key, we must set boundries, expectations and limits and it starts with dating. STOP tossing your pearls so fast. If the man is truely interested, he will respect and be intrigued by your stand to be committed to yourself, inner and outter beauty. Either he will realize what a jewel you really are and do whats right, it does take time. It takes doing things right as best to see if thelion or lioness is worthy of your time, period. In most cases if, a sistah or brotha is paying close attention, will know in the first few dates and hard hitting questions to see if heor she is the blessing most awaited. I am no scholar but I will say this, men have a role to play too. Stop thinking sex and use your intelect. Cort, live in celebacy and learn who you really are as a King. All men and women are not dogs and no they will not always be cheaters. I could go on but hey, its just a response to what is just information in the cyber lanes.

    The two can become one.

    1. Letsbereality says:

      No amount of valuing of the self or whatever you’re talking about women doing is going to make trifling men not be trifling. The problem is the culture. Men being hos and giving their body away to any woman who will allow him is seen as a sign of masculinity and so men strive to be that way. If some people would have some guts and try to instill sexual responsibility in men as much as we do women, these issues (at least as it concerns fidelity) would decrease tenfold. Right now we just ask women to resist sex enough to uphold both her moral fiber and men’s.

      Ironically, you start earlier in your post that the cheating happens with men because they do not accept responsibility for their own actions, then you spend the rest of your post blaming women for men treating women badly. I’m sorry, but thats simply dumb as hell. The fact of the matter is that a lot of women think like you, and YOU are the problem. Not the women who logically understand that another person’s actions are their responsibility and not yours, but YOU, the women who preach the ‘a man will be a man’ and ‘a man can only do what you allow him to’ rhetoric. No dummy, a man won’t just do what you allow him to, because cheating is in fact a personality flaw. And personality flaws are not corrected by others attempting to prevent them from acting on them. You can close your legs as tight as you can sweety, they will just find someone else to shit on if not you until they themselves understand mistreating women is not the way to go.

    2. GettingBetter! says:

      Yes!

  21. Superwoman says:

    So what if the wife is trying but is so exhausted! She smokes n he breaks every smoke she lights up till he gets head.. So she does he wakes her up on the middle of sleep because he cannot sleep w out a release so she does. Now u have a wife sitting at home in panic waiting for her husband to pill in the drive way n use something shaker her to get laid. That wife is tired n loves her man. What now

  22. B.Ann says:

    We just attended a couples workshop and this same advice was covered. Thanks for letting more men know ( and women) how to keep a faithful relationship. BTW this wasn’t why we were in the workshop but the advice was more than welcomed.

  23. Shonte says:

    What can I say about this article but, WOW. I have always felt that communication is one of the bigger keys in a marriage. How can a couple go for hours let alone days without speaking and when they do it is an argument? As adults you should be able to discuss matters over and agree to disagree without it getting out of control, like name calling or throwing old trash back into the face of the other spouse. You can solve more arguments by simply asking the other spouse, “can we talk, I would like to speak about what happened and what can we do to fix it?” In some relationships, they are not talking or communicating, but assuming that the other person knows how they feel, because my spouse checked the crystal ball this morning, so it’s no surprise………..it’s going to be a rough one tonight!”

    How can a husband or wife come home froma long day of working, tired, feet hurting, ready to take off those clothes and relax and be comfortable in your own home and you walk on egg shells? That is no longer a home, that is just a dwelling, a place to shower, shave and bathe. The last time I checked, egg shells are rather delicate and should be handled with caution. Constant drama, nothing new, same old mess. You want to make love to your spouse, but it’s one exuse after the other, or you start an aurgument just so you won’t have to give him or her any goodies. I have even heard people make exuses like this, she’s mad because I didn’t get off when she thought I should be, we you got the baby sleeping in the bed with us. The baby will try to crawl out of the crib. WHO DOES THAT???!!!!! Dang, that is just too crazy. How crazy is that?

    I have yet to understand how can a woman not want to make love to her husband or a constant basis, it’s his his intimacy and how much he adores you, is what going to keep him excited and want to come home. Who said that smiling is hard and simply asking how was your day so difficult to say? Instead you got to come home to drama or THE SILENT TREATMENT. People say absence make the heart grow fonder, but in actually absense makes the hear wander. Ladies you better be prepared, if you don’t want to give your husband any loving. Stop giving him business deals when it comes to the love making. I have 3 brothers and one of them told me that in order for him to have sex with his wife, he had to buy her a brand new set living room furniture……….really dude! Dang, sex in the marriage has come to a business merger, what or how much do you plan to invest in keeping the goods coming. WOW!!!!!!!!!!! This is sad.

    Whatever happened to………..baby I can’t wait to get home and see you, or just coming home and being greeted with smile and a kiss. Sometimes the most deepest things are not spoken, they are shown. HOW ABOUT THAT!

    Men, if you want your wife to be more assertive, step up, grow some, and buy a clue. Women love to be complimented, taken by surprise with a little spank on the gluteus maximus, or you smell real good. If you were taking her out to a movie on Friday nights, don’t and get lazy and go to Red Box, TAKE HER TO THE MOVIES. Take her out every once and a while, no one is going to steal her from you, she is with you man. Stop that.

    If you are happy and you believe in your marriage, then you can believe that it can be restored, refreshed, and renewed. But you have to be open, honest, and not so critical or judgmental, we are all humans, we are fundamentally flawed, and we make mistakes. So we have to forgive to move on, let go of the past, you can’t walk forward by always looking backward! Stop with other people’s drama, if it ain’t your business, leave it alone.
    Work it out family, it takes time, patience and a lot of undying love.

    1. Rhonda says:

      Shonte thank you verrrry much well spoken lady. I am a single woman 43, married and divorced twice learned a lot from my two husbands and men I dated in between. The article is right on many levels but as many have said what about the wives that give sex on a daily basis “what was his excuse for him cheating”. None just plain hoish and because his wife trust and love him never thought about it because she is putting it down in the bedroom, sike yea right. Been there done that, now alone and date one at a time and when I cook, clean, support, never criticize and did all that his articles said about wife material is still alone wtf. I am so tired of this and thinking about becoming a Nun real talk, women work every minute to satisfy everyone especially her man/husband still can’t win for losing never know why. Men/women make a decision to screw someone elseand not communicate with their mate before taking that step then say don’t trip when they get caught. Like it’s ok but let their mate do it then its a f’n problem. the cheater will cause a freakn scene if their mate walked in their shoes and you know it. I am trying to not give up on marriage and keep the good woman in me alive for that one man but is scared because I am not playing games. I am a very sexual woman and need it bad but by one man my future husband hmmm if he exist.

      you made great points and gave great advice too hope ppl listen and take heed I did and appreciate your positive approach.

      Rhonda Wife Material

  24. angela says:

    I am glad that you said that he had to do somthing around the house. to help out beacuse we just be so tierd that we cant do any thing.

  25. Joyce says:

    My husband is a wonderful man in every way. He does everything possible for me (except have sex). He talks to me about it & how much he wants to have sex with me but when we are alone & can have sex, he doesn’t do anything. We’ve been married for 10 yrs & he has came up with so many excuses I feel like I’m dreaming. Oh, don’t get me wrong, we’ve had a lot of great sex & I have been pleased every time but here are some of the excuses I’ve been told. We can’t do anything tonight, the house is full. When we are alone its….I wish we could fool around tonight but the phone might ring or someone might knock on the door. Then he had headaches, high blood pressure, back aches, hip hurts, very tired, prostate problems, & the last one was…sex with me is boring. How am I suppose to keep on pushing these things aside? I keep hearing things like when a man has an affair the other woman means absolutely nothing to him. Well, IS THAT SAME MAN GONNA BE OKAY WITH IT WHEN HIS WIFE HAS AN AFFAIR AND SAYS HE DIDN’T MEAN ANYTHING TO ME DEAR? I know that I don’t know much about sex but I also don’t sit around looking at & fantising about another man & looking at sex books & watching XXX movies. I would like to please MY man & be pleased by MY man only. If its wild sex you want, talk to your wife about it. Don’t go around complaining that she never does anything. Try different things with your own wife. Not someone elses’. If you’re not willing to have wild, passionate sex with me, then don’t go have sex with another woman (while we are still married) & come back to me expecting me to understand. You don’t know what I might do til you talk to me.

  26. Joyce says:

    I forgot to mention some of the other things I’ve been told. Things like comparing me to his ex & telling me how she was much better than me anyday & how he could get any woman he wanted anytime he wanted them. We’re still best friends but each time I hear something else like this, it just makes it harder & harder to have sex.

  27. kang says:

    Interesting article, but as a man who has been in a few marriages where the women stepped out, I have to disagree with anyone having the “right” to cheat if your not getting the sex. Cheating never solves the problem…it just adds another person to a situation left to chaos because one partner or both partners decided to shut down and not deal equitably with why sex and intimacy ceased in their relationship in the first place. I find “justifying” cheating at any level is an unacceptable solution to a lack of physical intimacy. It is an old school player and playette rationale that is used to excuse renegade sexual behavior in a relationship. People have affairs because they have decided that this kind of behavior suits who they are and what they really want to do in a relationship anyway- whether they are getting the sex or not. One of the things we don’t come clean with when it comes to forming relationships is our own attractions to people who don’t share our values for a relationship. We constantly align ourselves with people who don’t perceive the rules of engagement in a relationship on a similar plain. People take marriage vows knowing full well that they are no more than fair weather fans. As long as there is no conflict (work to do on a relationship), everyone is fine, but as soon as you have to sit down and discuss what is problematic, the communication takes a back seat, and what a person really “wants” to do emerges. I am going to gamble here and say that 9 out of the 10 married men the author of the article interviewed “may” have some character flaws that may not have been discussed in the article. These men are admittedly cheating on their wives with no remorse while pointing the finger at a wife who doesn’t know whats going on. These men are probably quite comfortable with their “new” self-made status, and don’t intend to ruin their green light to get “extra” on the side, because a wife is not putting out. Some don’t agree that once a “cheater always a cheater”, but I do. Once you act on that taste in your mouth for getting a “little something extra” on the side, because you decided its your right under the circumstances, you have now set a dangerous precedent in your relationship that justifies renegade sexual behavior. Once established, anytime sex shuts down in the relationship for any reason or the shortest of time frames, that justifies the man or woman who embraces this destructive rationale to step out and blame the partner for this behavior. Cheating never works to bring couples together. You may call yourself taking the high road and forgive the person that cheated and take them back, but what you don’t realize is that you have allowed the balance of power in your relationship to shift to one side as opposed to maintaining a balance that both parties committed to the relationship should enjoy. Trust has been greatly damaged, and as many can attest to, forgiveness may come, but forgetting that someone cheated in the relationship is not going to happen. In the future anything that looks like it has the “potential” of a cheat will be cause for many chaotic arguments to come. If you are in a relationship and the communication breaks down to the point where two people can’t repair it on their own – seek professional help, don’t cheat. If that doesn’t work, part ways amicably. Don’t injure another person’s self esteem and create a problem for the next man or woman to deal with long after you are gone. Cheating is always the fault of the cheater, not the cheatee. No man or women has a gene that compels them to cheat. Cheating is never an accident, it is always done with intent. It is carefully planned and hidden from the eyes of the one you married and said you loved. People who cheat always cheat because that is what they want to do in the first place.

    1. I was joking about that part my man . . . just trying to make a point. I am a Christian and a happily married man. My point was only to emphasize that a spouse is not to deny sex. Now that is biblical. However, I do understand and was prepared for some people to miss my point in that. Thanks for reading!

  28. Sure this makes sense says:

    7 days a week the wife is pregnant. Husband is out of work but is busy with his male friend who is a womanizer. Wife waits for husband to cone home and falls asleep waiting and go to work the next day, makes sure he has ironed clothes.. A couple of months later she finds out he is hooking up with his friends sister in law. Wife’s hormones are raging and she wants sex but husband is not around because his focus is elsewhere(author calls it fantasy woman)..
    Well, someone’s fantasy is the pregnant woman who then makes himself available to fulfil the pregnant woman’s desires…. Just saying it goes Both ways.